Je ne fume plus. October 2010
I don't know why this time it seems to be taking but I've been almost 8 days without cigarettes now and I'm feeling FANTASTIC! I'm not even struggling, I'm amazed.
After all, I'm in Paris. The city where even non-smokers ask for a Marlboro after dinner. My walk home like a stroll through second-hand Hell, terrace after terrace of scarf-clad, wine-drinking, sour-faced Parisians sucking back my forbidden fruit. It's hard. The first couple days, I just tried to sleep as much as I could; that helped. Third day was a challenge for sure but drank a lot of water and crunchy veggies and that helped. I had a tantrum or two that I day, I believe. Day four, a breeze. Day five, NOT EASY. Whoever made up the ridiculous notion that it takes 3 days to get over the craving is a liar who didn't make it to Day Five. I was bitchy, I was sweaty, anxious, nauseous, tempted and my own worst enemy and great gatekeeper. I almost caved. I was this close but I got through it, psychologically and physically.
There are the occasional few moments a day where I miss the activity of it. After dinner. With coffee in the morning. When I push open those heavy wooden doors at 19h30 after a long day of nannying and light up for my walk to the metro. But, then, this overwhelming feeling of simplicity and happiness that is filling up my lungs where the smoke used to live suits me a bit better, I think. I have energy. I'm less emotional.
I'm weary about gaining weight but I'm taking things one step at a time. This week I've allowed myself to indulge in what I need to get through it - quiet time, bad tv, chocolate, ice cold water, easy reading and orange juice. I suppose that's still 'cold turkey', isn't it? I haven't had a drink in fear of losing my resolution, I have cut back on coffee and drank a lot more tea and soda than I'm used to.
I'm eating too much (but I'm going to start physical activity next week)
I have acne from stress.
Alternate between fever and chills when cravings happen.
I'm having a hard time breathing still and seem to have a perpetual cold.
Still a bit irritable every now and again.
I'm hesitating being social because I'm afraid temptation will get the better of me, avoiding cafés, bars, restaurants and anywhere I associate with smoking.
Waiting for the bus has never been so boring.
Sleeping a lot more.
More money which I'm going to put aside for a regular massage instead.
More time to myself.
No feeling of anxiousness awaiting my next cigarette.
No guilt over the one I'd normally be finishing and how I ought to quit but can't.
Less ventolin required so less shaky.
Actually want to ride a bike.
I can breathe through my nose and smell again!
I actually feel happy. Not just good but happy and fulfilled.
Stress has been minimized and things that seemed impossible feel manageable now.
Anyway, not trying to convince anyone to do the same. It just doesn't work that way. Even someone wanting me to quit smoking didn't help matters. It just had to be me. It had to be in my own time.
Over the next couple weeks, I've got a few more well-being plans. I want to eliminate other bad activities from my life for a short stint, I want to do more physical activities and start riding my bike to and from work again now that I can breathe normally. I want to start eating more carefully again, so not to risk replacing smoking with 1200 pounds of fat. I want to get writing again, more regularly and with two hands able to run over the keyboard and no flaming embers to watch in my hands anymore, that should be a lot easier. I'm going to start a yoga class, maybe some racketball and start organizing more dinners which is WAY more fun than emptying ashtrays I must say.
Alors, oui. C'est vrai. Je ne fume plus et c'est la mort si je le reprend encore.
Bye Bye Belmont.
Bye Bye Marlboro.
Bye Bye American Spirit.
It's been a while.
Posted by Julie Jolicoeur at 5:59 PM