Une Canadienne quitte Paris. March 2009

Ca y est.

I've got just a few days left here. It's a weird feeling but somehow, I'm not finding any sadness in departure.

I feel like I've done what I came here to do. I'm very happy with the time I've spent in this city. It's been profound and meaningful. I've loved, I've suffered. I've drank all the coffee a girl can drink, written hundreds of poems, meandered about in graveyards and churches and catacombes. I've got enough red wine in my system to preserve me til the end of time. I've spent a year and a half speaking almost exclusively in French, worked a few interesting jobs, spent time with wonderful kids, met beautiful people, heard new music and there are enough memories to get me through whatever it is that comes next and I haven't lost hope for coming back here yet, either.

I think this might be my city. I can't say for sure, I'll know better after coming home where it is I'm meant to be, I think but right now I know Toronto is where I want to spend the next few months.

This would be a different city if I were able to share it with the people I care most about and still, it's something that belongs to me and me alone. That's a nice thing too. It's become a part of me, Paris, and I it in some ways too. What? What the hell am I talking about? I don't have a fucking clue. Yeah, you're right, nothing has changed!

I know I've dug myself out of the rut I was in for quite while back home and I can approach it now with new perspective and new eyes. I'm happy about that. Hey, Bob Dylan is playing in this little French cafe where I've spent countless hours thinking and writing. Too cool. It always comes back to Bob.

Some of the things I will miss the most about France:
-endless coffee
-cheap but good wine
-walking along the river
-walking through the gates of Mazarine library
-saying goodmorning to the little man who owns the epicerie downstairs
-diabolo grenadines
-Marlboro Lights
-reading, reading and more reading
-the metro (when it's not crowded)
-Michael & everything we've shared here
-random house parties & squats
-boulangeries: especially raspberry tarts & hot baguettes de traditions!
-spending entire days cooking
-the market
-the flowers
-Ryley & Chasen
-apartment hunting & moving ten thousand times (no, I won't miss this at all...)
-writing poetry and NOT feeling like a pretentious poser in doing so
-Henry Miller's Paris
-le cour carree du Louvre
-Hopital St. Louis & free asthma medication
-Nights with Nina Simone, cognac & cigarettes
-the way the moon looks on the canal
-Mia Isabella & Alex (my little kiddies) & afternoons at the park
-terraces & too many cigarettes
-sharing a one bedroom apartment a trois
-euros & centimes
-music EVERYWHERE & hearing Kustirica & Besame Mucho at least once/day
-cheese & charcuterie plates
-poulet rotis
-Mozzerella Buffalo
-being able to take a weekend in Amsterdam / Belgium whenever I want
-The SNCF song
-text messaging
-1664 & demis galore
-Au Chat Noir - man will I miss this place
-Long walks on train tracks
-feeling like a floudering artist who is lost. It's hard but it's a beautiful life quand meme!

See you all very soon. Looking forward to catching up and starting over, yet again.

Des bisous de Paris.

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